You should be organized in your approach to stay on track in your conversations with your elders. I suggest a written outline of "talking points." These should be categorized into first a Introductory/Ground Rules category for the discussion, such as letting them know you want to help them effect a thoughtful elder care plan, asking if there are any deadlines they have in mind, that a good idea is to lay out all possibilities first and then investigate and compare them.
Next, list questions to pose to them about their Present Life such as likes and dislikes, the most important activities to maintain, and what accommodations they have had to make so far as they age. It is important to make their responses specific, not "I want independence." Probe into how they see this achieved.
Third, create a series of categories about the Future, such as issues surrounding an eventual move for home maintenance or health reasons, foreseeing worst case scenarios based on their anticipated health problems, and how to evaluate different solutions to these issues, e.g., home care, assisted living, nursing home care, moving to a warmer climate, etc.
The key in all of this is to remain as objective as possible and to avoid being drawn into emotional responses or all-too-familiar familial relationships of parent-child. The roles are becoming reversed as our parents age, so we need to think like a parent.
